Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
