The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
