My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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