It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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