Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
