i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
