i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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