no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
