Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its liver damage thursday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
