he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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