Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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