Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
