last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
