All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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