Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
