A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
