remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
