Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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