we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
