Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
