I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
thus making me awesome and them whores
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
