look no pants
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
