My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she peed on how many people?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
