Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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