I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
