The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
