Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
