watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Holy sore nipples Batman
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
