took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
