I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
