I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
