this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
