Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
