Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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