I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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