That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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