I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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