Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
