hotel room ftw
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
