Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
about cumming, not toast
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.