He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?