Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.