Can Purell be used as lube?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal