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Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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