im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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