Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
