Where is the hickey?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
