Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk is not a location!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize