Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
