Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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