We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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