you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
