I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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