if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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