I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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