it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
