Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
