I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
