I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
