somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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