Just cropdusted the office
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
