She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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