also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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