she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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