wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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