My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
