you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
