During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
