three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
