Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
