Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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