I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
