There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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